Sunday, November 22, 2009

FTD and living with a shell of a man.

This is a subject that is extremely painful for me.When I needed support going through all the piles of changes this disease has wrought.I found out,most people weren't there.The hardest for me ,has been 3 of my 4 sons,being in denial about this whole thing,and I have to keep everything in for most people.I have lived this Hell for over 2 years now.I urge any of you who love me,go to the FTD org,look it up on a search,and go there.It is one of the least known of the dementias.
After a year of medical testing,and lots of BS,Hershey Medical in PA said there is definitely shrinkage in the frontal lobe of my husband's brain.
Unlike Alzheimers,his memory is ok,but it affects,mood,inhibition or lack thereof,my husband who was once shy in many matters,on a regular basis is lewd,crude,and acts totally inappropriate.
I used to be able to talk to Paul,my hubby about anythin,now it is impossible.He gets paranoid at times,he hears things that are not there.He picks fights for no apparent reason.He sleeps 98 percent of the time when he is home and not working.I could go on forever,everything about him is polar opposite of the man I have been with for 25 years.
My frustration today and for the past several weeks,besides dealing with a crazy man,is I have to keep all my feelings inside.People do not get it,especially my 3 sons.This has hurt me so much.Of course they don't live with him,they don't see him as much.I belong to a FTD support forum,and everything I am going through is common among FTD dementia.They are a lifeline to me.He barely brushes his teeth anymore,if I didn't say anything many times he wouldn't shower.The hardest thing for me to deal with is he has no insight whatsoever into his behavior.This frustrates me to no end.He can scream and yell at me,and than if I try and talk nicely to him about it,he says he doesn't know what I am talking about.
This disease has turned him into a 5 year old.Even though I know he can't help it,every day a piece of my soul crumbles.More to follow.....