Reality

I am back to the point where my words are stuck deep within my soul and mind and body.They tear at me,ripping me to shreds,over and over.I want to write my thoughts,but so much pain.Took husband to Neurologist again today,he put him on stronger meds,because husband is becoming violent towards me.In our entire 23 years this has never happened.A damaged brain does crazy things.It was a very stressful day for me.The ride there and back,over 1 and a half hours travel time was pure hell.Paulie does not do well on long car rides anymore.Thank in the Docs office,he told the Doc again,that I was trying to put him in a home and steal his money.I know,it is Dementia talking but it still hurts God Damn it!I broke down and sobbed,I couldn't contain myself any more.
People don't know what to say to me anymore.Pain is uncomfortable,grief is unbearable,depression makes people stay away.
I hid the phones today.Sick of everyone telling me to chin up and think positive.you know what ,you people couldn't last 10 minutes in my world.I should be used to this,but I am not.I am living with a crazy man.He is Dr.Jeckyll and Hyde.Mood changes so rapid,I think I am living with ten people.All escapees from an asylum.
I have given up hope I will ever have peace in this lifetime.That is all i ever wanted.Not money,not fame,material goods,fancy cars,just peace.God that is all I ever asked,and you have never listened to me ever.....