Thanks to someone who has helped me reach into the depths of my soul,I think I may be able to get some of this poison from my body and soul.Soul S and J,Thanks.
This is some heavy painful baggage I have been carting around in my soul for years.It may take years to get this crap out.I will start with a little today.
Someone asked me at my oldest son's wedding almost 2 year ago,Hey,I thought you were on of those "Born Again" nutcases."? To which I calmly replied,"Nope,I am a free agent,I am allergic to organized Religion which takes a Good God and turns him into something Mean,and intolerant,and hateful,and for all the Scripture they love to quote at you when your heart is bleeding,Guess what,most Christians don't live what they supposedly cram down other people;s throats.
To me God was always supposed to be about Love,pure and simple.I haven't set foot in a church since my sons wedding,because that is not what I have encountered.I have been to every denomination from Episcopalian to Evangelical ,to "Have Gospel will Travel",(no that is not a typ0)This was actually a ministry that old everyone I was the Devil incarnate because I questioned thier crap,their control over the masses,and the lambs.
I feel the most comfortable with people who have always been on the outside looking in.I don't identify with the masses.I Identify with people who have got back up day after day and year after year of being stomped on,abused,hurt,and still,they get back up and keep on going.I feel more comfortable with a real person,than someone who puts the show on for thier "cookie cutter:Christian assemblage.Put me in a crowd of alcoholics,mental patients(yes I was one once)people with Soul wounds so gaping,it is a miracle they can still function at all.It is time for the Church to get out into the real world,God is not about ,Do not this,Do not that,God is about acceptance,and love.I have never ever received that from any church ever.I prefer to listen to the still small voice when I am alone,when I am in nature.That is when I feel God the most.More to come as I can get this painful part of my past out.Peace....
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Dearest Blackdove;
I did not realize until this post how truly we are soul sister's. I believe that all religion is about human's and their dogma's.. why else have so many darn religions? I know God is love and that I am held and comforted by him so many many times. we both grew up and lived lifes of hell for a long time.
i have no doubt that i will go and be with god when this physical body goes. to be enveloped in perfect, unconditional love and i believe everyone else will be there too. pretty rad; but it's my belief once i was freed from the church's dogma. to feel god's presence in this time of early frontal lobe dementia (and before that of course) is such a blessing.
i LOVE what you said: free agent as indeed i feel you are. i know i am; but had never thought to put it that way. if i ever had to try to put a label on my belief system; it was a mystic but i think i like free agent better. *s*
i too have never been fond of the social scene or the crowds. i always gravitate to those few people that want to talk and be real and accept each other exactly as they are.
truly a wonderful post..
blessings sent your way.
jimmy's wife
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