The past week or so,Paul aka Satan,has been making all kinds of weird noises and vocalizations.Tonight he was mostly silent upon coming home from work,than he started singing nonsense in a falsetto voice.It is driving me mad!
Lately he mimics the birds outside,the cats,the tv,the appliances.He talks to himself all the time,and no I am not talking about what we all do ladies .I mean he really talks to himself.This is the most bizarre disease I have ever seen.I can't wait until he is mute.I know sounds terrible,but on my blog I aim to keep it real.So being real,I do not want any of this,I do not feel anything towards hubby anymore.Living like this 4-5 years is damaging,it has damaged my heart,my soul,and a lot of my love.
Whoever is out there and is living with a spouse with frontotemporal dementia,or some other kind,you know what I mean?
I am awaiting the Dr. in Hershey,I had Paul's records faxed today.I need to know asap,so I can get a cheap hotel room,while we are there.I want closure,I want a Dr. to listen to me,and do the right tests.This is the end of the Medical road for us,Paul said,if this guy says nothing is wrong,that is that.
So a lot is hinging on this diagnostic testing.Of course my sanity for one thing.I feel as if I have been holding on by a mere thread.
It is so weird to have this man ,who is legally my husband,not share anything anymore.We always talked about the kids,now he never mentions our 4 sons.He used to call me every morning,just to hear my voice,now he rarely calls,and if he does,he is pretty unintelligable on the phone,sometimes he j ust stops talking and there is silence.
My heart hurts because of Donovan.My precious Donovan,who I will never know.My family is my life,has been my life,and 2 have 2 sons so cold,I can't understand it.It is not like they ever said,Hey mom I am pissed off at you because of.........They haven't told me anything.I can handle the truth,I can't handle cruelty,especially at the hands of my 2 middle sons.
I am in isolation mode this week,it is my way of protecting myself from all the Shitheads out there,and boy there are plenty.So many hurtful things said to me over the past few years,few months,few weeks.So I go inside my own little cocoon,and stay by myself .I need to shut the crazy world out for a few days.
It is nighttime,which means lonliness.At least it was a lovely day,and I got to sit on the porch a lot with the dogs.Nice breeze,quiet.
Youngest son moves out this weekend.He is back to denial about his dad.So that means I am the baddie all over again.
Time for a cigarette...Peace
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment