Just when I start to relax just a smidge,BAM,Satan is in my living room.Totally absurd things coming out of his mouth,his wrath or anger targeted at me.I am starting to question my sanity.I was on the phone,the entire morning(aaarrgggh) with Social Security Disability,Social Services,Home health,etc.etc.etc.
I managed to crawl into my bed after lunch,even though I forgot to eat..again.I passed out after a few anxiety attacks in bed,and slept for almost 2 hours.Woke up with panic attacks,and my heart is still racing.
I decided tonight I take his keys.His truck keys,his car keys.He is no longer going to be able to drive whether he thinks he can or not.He is a danger now to people on the road and to himself.I know I am in for a lot of crap though this evening.Trying to drill it into youngest sons head,he needs to grow up like NOW,he has to take over dads jobs,or we will have zero money,zilch,nada.
As it is we barely have anything.Some days he seems like he is with me and will help,others he drifts away into his own haze of sadness and depression.
Speaking of depression,I have had clinical depression since age 13.I also have PSTD,and all the shit that goes with that,hubbies illness has triggered everything .I don't know how I am even functioning,or am I even functioning.I guess I am,the cats and dogs and turtle are fed.I am in my pjs again today,don't feel like getting dressed.For what,i am trapped .....Peace
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