Validation/Family and friends

I think one of the most frustrating and bothersome things,besides the fact that my husband is no longer who I knew,is the fact that except for my older son,youngest son,and my 5th son Robert.No one thinks there is anything wrong with Paul.
I don't want anything to be wrong with my husband.I wish it weren't so,but it is,and dammit,it has been a hell of a ride the past 4-5 years.
It has not been easy one bit,being married and living with Paul in that time span.

Even though hubby has not received an "official"diagnosis,they are still testing.It is painfully clear and obvious,me ,his spouse,who know's him better than anyone on this planet,that he is not the "old" Paulie.
My whole life I have had to validate who I am,me as a person,what I am doing.I am sick of it.
We just finished dinner and my mom,said I really can't see any difference in him.I wanted to bang my head through the wall.Hello,he has slept on the couch the past 2 years,he sleeps all the time,I mean all the time.He is not talking nearly as much as he was,and he wears the same clothing and doesn't shower sometimes for a week.
I feel very alone,very very alone.I feel isolated,angry,very angry.
If it wasn't for this darn blog,I would stuff every feeling I have.No where to go.
My entire life I have been told not to feel,to think,to act.I am sick of people trying to run my life.
I am living this nightmare,no one else,except youngest son,who isn't here all that much.
My entire life I have always felt alone.I would cry,but I think I have run out of tears.I am so sad,I am so messed up emotionally,I haven't even been able to go to the FTD Support forum.I feel so bad for all the hurting people there,good people,who I wish I could comfort.I don't know what to say,I am having enough trouble dealing with my stuff.And still my heart bleeds,slowly,dripping,slowly on and on it goes...Peace.