My heart is heavy

It is the early hours of Saturday am,EST.I just woke up a little while ago,and already the dread is in my heart.This morning my mom goes home.The one little bit of sunshine here for the week,the week that went all too fast.
I will be alone again with the husband with the diseased brain.The husband who treats me now like garbage,but who once treated me like a princess.

I was up till late last night,youngest son had a horrible stomach flu,and was puking his guts out.It is amazing,even though he is 20,he will always be my baby,and I felt the need to take care of him,get him liquids,put a cool cloth on his forehead,check on him.
Ihave always been a nurturer,always had compassion for the hurting,downtrodden,sick,abused.However,even though I know husband has dementia,I have lost some of my compassion.It is hard to feel love and compassion when your husband has turned into a ghost,a shell of the former husband,and maniac,who changes moods so fast.
I can't get over what that Neuro wrote last week,when I requested a referral letter for hubby .
I am outraged that he insulted me and put me down.It dredges up memories of when I had cancer,and was being constantly misdiagnosed and called horrid names,and treated shabbily.
I will not tolerate it,but it hurts so bad.
Over a year and a half ago,I lost 78 pounds.On my own,I changed my way of eating,was walking several times a week.I felt great and I was proud of myself.Than,when I tore my knee,and couldn't walk,move,I started gaining weight,even though I wasn't eating junk or anything.Now in the present,I haven't been eating well at all.I am trying to survive folks.I am not off the deep end with my eating,certainly not like before,but after the fat comments by the Doctor,I feel insignifant and small again.I feel like I am a body,not a person or a soul.It pains me greatly.
When I was thinner,and younger,I was just a piece,a body with breasts,and genitals.Nothing more.I have had to stifle so much.I am tired of doing it,but no no other way.When I let go,and let people in,I get shit on.So there are not a lot of people I show my heart to.
Peace....