When your life is turned upside down by Dementia,you learn to cherish the small bits of joy,and the "old " spouse that you knew and fell in love with.It doesn't happen much anymore.Last night,I got to experience it for a brief time.I will take it,knowing that today the dementia took over.I got to cuddle in bed with hubby for the first time,in about 6 months or so.He rubbed my head before i fell asleep,small joy,but one I treasure.
The day before yesterday,I threw hubby out of the house,I couldn't take one more minute of his being mean .Than last night,I found myself calling his cell,worried about him.He was at a local hotel.Sounded like a lost little boy.I sobbed,could barely talk or breath.In his demented brain,my crying somehow got through.This doesn't happen much anymore at all.He said in a little boy voice?Do you want me to come home??Yes I sobbed,please.I spent all afternoon yesterday sleeping and feeling so down.
I also finally got husband to agree to go to the Dr. at Hershey who is affiliated with U.Penn.They are experts on FTD.Small victories,I will take what I can get.Today I stayed snuggled up to hubby almost the whole day.Even though he was out of it most of the day,his body was still warm,and from time to time he would grab my hand.Small miracles,small blessings.They are all I have to hold onto right now.I will take them.I will cherish them.
God Help me to be more patient,loving,merciful,kind,giving to my husband whose brain is being ravaged.Help me to not take it personal,help me to bite my tongue,when I want to lash back from exhaustion.God make me your vessel,to give Paul all the love I have to give until you take him.Peace....
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